因为在乎

我们的孩子似乎拥有我们童年梦想的一切：丰沛的物质、触手可知的世界、无限的可能。

“空心病”来袭，“四无孩子”（学习无动力、真实世界无兴趣、社交无能力、生命无价值感）出现，这些词汇像社会新“心病”，是这个时代孩子们的无助。

未来的不确定性成了最确定的事。我们忙着塞给孩子更多的技能、证书和光环，他们真的需要这些吗？他们自己，又想成为怎样的人？

在义格教育集团举办的“首届儿童青少年积极教育大会”上，三位嘉宾围绕“积极教育如何赋能学生终身幸福与全面发展”的核心议题展开深入对谈。

清华大学教授彭凯平从积极心理学出发，为教育锚定了“情绪与意义共生”的核心；义格教育集团董事长、赫德赫贤学校创始人孙涛从自身经历出发，在校园里探寻“我是谁”“何谓幸福”的人生命题；产品战略专家梁宁则以“真需求”为切口，追问如何守护孩子的精神成长。

在人工智能飞速发展的今天，教育的目标是我们反复思考的问题。之前我们学习是为了得到知识，送孩子去上学，好像要让他变成“知识容器”；再用一系列考试来判断这个容器的“容量”。但是今天，最好的知识容器就是AI。我们给AI灌知识就好了，为什么要灌一个孩子呢？

我们的教育制度、社会协同制度，都是工业时代过来的。过去我们常说“学以致用”，也就是在一个特定环境里，用封闭的知识，完成制定的任务。这项工作做得最好的，不就是AI和机器人吗？

所以今天，也许教育的目标要变了，变成“学以成人”。我们不是把孩子做成知识容器，而是让孩子在学校的框架里，成为一个更完善的人。在获取知识的同时，他要有精神的成长。

其实每个小孩子，都有非常蓬勃的精神，他有无尽的好奇心、探索欲，会一直问问题。但随着孩子长大、升学，他的好奇心在下降，有越来越多的东西不想探索。我们会发现，随着年龄增长，很多人的精神反而在坍塌。所以教育是不是可以有更多选择，精神要如何成长？

与之相应，我们的信念也在悄然改变。教育界一直有句名言，“好的教育，是让孩子成为最好的自己”。这句话充满激励，却也隐含着一个“更好”的模板在外界，容易让孩子陷入无尽的比较与追赶。我们把这句话改了改，从“成为最好的自己”改成“更好地成为自己”。

这细微的差别，是我们怀抱着一个温暖的信念：接纳自己非常重要，孩子都是“本自具足”的，他们可以唱歌跳舞，相信自己就是超人，也不会有所谓的羞耻感。我们都希望看到一个孩子最本真的样子，心中有爱，眼里有光。但我们觉得最重要的，应该是首先要让孩子知道，你是可以的，你什么都有，你就是那束光本身。

很多专家都主张，我们要幸福、要积极。回到孩子身上，我们可以想想，是什么让他们不幸福、不喜欢学习？是学知识的困难吗？为什么孩子会害怕学校？ 也许是因为认为学校是个充满“价值”的地方，就是要排序，就是要比较，就是要输赢。

学校会讲“榜样的力量”，就是给大家梳理一个理想自我，让孩子看到自己的差距。但看到差距以后，孩子们更多是“见贤思齐”还是自我指责呢？

希望我们的教育能让孩子知道，不开心也是可以的，没有成为“榜样”也是可以的。不用内疚、羞耻、畏惧、回避。这样孩子才能获得更大的情绪价值。让他能在各种体验中去发现自己的优势，从而更好地接纳自己。

理念的转变，需要落在实处。在依然充满竞争与单一评价的大环境中，如何构建一个支持性的“微生态”？

学校营造积极有爱的环境，有以下5个可努力的方向：

澳大利亚Ravenwood School“幸福小径”

若家长想在家庭层面给予孩子健康温暖的环境，可以遵循“3C原则”：

• 陪伴（Companion）：创造专属的、无压的家人共处时光。可以是轻松愉快的家庭闲聊，也可以是陪伴孩子学习时，你在旁边阅读自己喜爱的书籍。重点是“在一起”，而非“监督”。

• 沟通（Communication）：研究表明，丰富的语言环境极大促进儿童智力发展。不仅仅是说话的数量，更是沟通的质量。多聊开放性问题、人情故事，少做结论性评判。同时重视非言语沟通的力量——一个拥抱、一次击掌、欣赏的眼神，都能传递深切的情感联结。

• 文化（Culture）：有意识地营造家庭氛围。例如，约定不将工作烦恼带回家，不当着孩子面相互指责，彼此维护尊严，让家成为情绪安全的港湾。

学校和家庭，是孩子生命成长最主要的空间。当这两个地方都提供足够的接纳、沟通与正向反馈，减少比较与羞耻，增加体验与允许，孩子独特的生命节奏，才有机会向着属于自己的方向从容舒展。

我们人类有，而AI不具备的是什么？很多，我想最重要的，应该是我们生而为人的生命力，我们都是有生命的、活泼泼的个体。

非要跟AI比较，人类最大的特质是“在乎”。AI有算法，知道正确答案，但人有发自内心的在乎，它让我们对真相的追求不停留在表面，对答案的要求不停留在标签，而是一直向前探求。如果一个孩子知道了自己在乎什么，他就有了一路向前的线索。

这或许就是AI时代的教育，能带给孩子最独特的成长：在被全然接纳中认识自己，在温暖陪伴中探索世界，最终成长为好的、幸福的自己。

Our children seem to have all the things we dreamed of in our childhood: abundant resources, a world at their fingertips, and limitless possibilities.

"A sense of emptiness" is on the rise, giving rise to "four-no children" (no motivation to learn, no interest in the real world, no social skills, and a sense of meaninglessness in life). These terms have emerged as new societal "maladies of the heart," reflecting the helplessness of children in this era.

The uncertainty of the future has become the only certainty. We are busy cramming our children with more skills, certificates, and accolades, but do they really need these things? Who do they themselves want to become?

At the "The First Children and Adolescents Positive Education Conference" hosted by the Elitek 12K, three guests engaged in an in-depth discussion centered on the core theme of "how positive education can empower students' lifelong happiness and holistic development."

Peng Kaiping, a professor from Tsinghua University, anchored education in the core principle of "the symbiosis of emotion and meaning" from the perspective of positive psychology.

Sun Tao, Chairman of the Egal Education Group and founder of HD Schools, drew from his personal experiences to explore life's questions such as "Who am I?" and "What is happiness?" within the school environment.

Liang Ning, a product strategy expert, approached the topic from the angle of "genuine needs," probing into how to nurture the spiritual growth of children.

In today’s era of rapid artificial intelligence development, the goals of education are something we repeatedly reflect on. In the past, learning was about acquiring knowledge, and sending children to school seemed to turn them into “knowledge containers.” A series of exams then judged the “capacity” of these containers. But today, the best knowledge container is AI. Why should we fill a child with knowledge when we can pour it into AI instead?

Our educational and social collaboration systems originated in the industrial age. In the past, we often emphasized “learning for practical application,” which meant using specific knowledge to complete designated tasks in a particular environment. And who performs such tasks better than AI and robots?

So today, perhaps the goal of education must change—to “learning to become human.” We are not shaping children into knowledge containers but guiding them to become more well-rounded individuals within the framework of school. While acquiring knowledge, they must also experience spiritual growth.

Actually, every child possesses a very vibrant spirit, endless curiosity, and a desire to explore—they are always asking questions. But as children grow older and progress through school, their curiosity often declines, and there are more and more things they no longer want to explore. We notice that, as age increases, many people’s inner spirits seem to collapse instead. So, can education offer more choices? How can the spirit grow?

In line with this, our beliefs are quietly changing as well. There has long been a famous saying in the field of education: "A good education enables a child to become the best version of themselves." This statement is full of motivation, but it also implies the existence of an external template of "better," which can easily trap children in endless comparison and striving. We’ve rephrased this statement slightly—from "becoming the best version of yourself" to "becoming yourself better."

This subtle difference stems from our warm belief: accepting oneself is crucial. Children are "already complete in themselves." They can sing, dance, believe they are superheroes, and feel no so-called shame. We all hope to see a child’s most authentic self—with a heart full of love and eyes full of light. But we believe the most important thing is first to let children know: you are capable, you already have everything within you, and you are the light itself.

Many experts advocate for happiness and positivity. When we think about children, we can reflect on what makes them unhappy or dislike learning. Is it the difficulty of acquiring knowledge? Why might children fear school? Perhaps it's because they perceive school as a place full of "value judgments"—a place for ranking, comparison, and winning or losing.

Schools often emphasize "the power of role models," presenting an idealized version of the self and making children aware of their own shortcomings. But after seeing these gaps, do children more often "strive to emulate the virtuous," or do they turn to self-blame?

We hope our education can let children know that it's okay to be unhappy, and it's okay not to become a "role model." They shouldn't feel guilty, ashamed, fearful, or avoidant. Only then can children gain greater emotional value, enabling them to discover their strengths through various experiences and better accept themselves.

The shift in philosophy must be put into practice. In an environment still filled with competition and singular evaluation metrics, how can we build a supportive "micro-ecosystem"?

To create a positive and caring school environment, here are five actionable directions:

Ravenwood School's "Happiness Trail" (Australia)

If parents wish to provide a healthy and warm environment for their children at the family level, they can follow the "3C Principles":

Companion: Create dedicated, pressure-free time for family togetherness. This could be lighthearted family conversations or simply reading your favorite book while accompanying your child during their study time. The key is "being together," not "supervising."

Communication: Research shows that a rich language environment greatly promotes children's intellectual development. It’s not just the quantity of words spoken, but the quality of communication. Engage more in open-ended questions and human-centered stories, and avoid making conclusive judgments. At the same time, value the power of non-verbal communication—a hug, a high-five, or an appreciative look can all convey deep emotional connection.

Culture: Consciously cultivate a family atmosphere. For example, agree not to bring work worries home, avoid criticizing each other in front of the children, and always uphold each other's dignity, making home an emotionally safe haven.

School and family are the two most important spaces for a child's growth. When both places provide sufficient acceptance, communication, and positive feedback—reducing comparison and shame while increasing experience and permission—a child’s unique rhythm of life will have the chance to unfold at their own natural pace, in their own direction.

What do we humans possess that AI does not? Much, but I believe the most important should be our vitality as human beings—we are all living, dynamic individuals.

If we must compare with AI, the greatest trait of humans is that we "care deeply." AI has algorithms and knows the correct answers, but humans possess heartfelt concern. This drives us not to settle for superficial truths, nor to be satisfied with mere labels as answers—instead, we keep pushing forward in our pursuit. If a child discovers what they truly care about, they gain a guiding thread to move forward on their path.

Perhaps this is the most unique growth that education in the age of AI can offer children: to know themselves through unconditional acceptance, explore the world in the company of warmth, and ultimately grow into a good and fulfilled version of themselves.