Growing by Being Seen 在被看见中成长：一个IB MYP孩子的两年变化

故事的开始，其实并不轻松。

The beginning, however, wasn’t easy.

入学前，学校安排了一周的军训，她很紧张。幸好班主任对她关爱有加，顺利地过了一天又一天，没想到结束前一天，她因为第二天要“阅兵”而失眠，还好老师一直陪着她，也联系了我，我第二天一早过去把她接回了家。

Before school started, there was a week of military training. She was very nervous. Her homeroom teacher was kind and supportive, and things went smoothly until the night before the final parade—she couldn’t sleep. The teacher stayed with her and called me，I picked her up early the next morning.

就是这样一个孩子，要开始她的初中住校生活了，作为家长，我的内心是忐忑的。

And this was the child about to start boarding school. As a parent, I was anxious.

（开学第一天，略带落寞的背影）

让我稍感安心的是，尽管挑战不少，但老师们都很好，耐心地等她慢慢适应。日子一天天平静地过去，看似波澜不惊。后来才发现，原来是学校里那些不经意的选择，悄悄对她产生了深远的影响。

What gave me some comfort was that, despite the challenges, the teachers were wonderful, patiently waiting for her to adjust. The days passed quietly, seemingly uneventful. Only later did I realize that it was those small, almost unnoticed choices at school that had quietly shaped her in profound ways.

拿课后班选择来说。我给了她一个简单的建议：选一门艺术、一门体育，其余自己决定。于是，她选择了排球和乐队。

Take extracurriculars. I gave her one simple rule: pick one art and one sport; the rest is up to you. She chose volleyball and band.

先说排球。

First, volleyball.

她是零基础，恰好赶上学校组建排球队，被老师选进了校队。有一次训练表现不佳，她压力很大，和我沟通后，她去找了排球队老师，表示要退出。没想到，老师没有否定她，反而对她说，“我觉得你很有潜力，即使打得不好也没关系，年轻的时候不犯错，什么时候犯错呢”。后来她跟我复述这段话的时候，我很开心：因为老师看到的，并不仅是她当下的表现，还有她未来的潜能。

She started from scratch, just as the school was forming a team, and the teacher chose her for it. After one poor training session, she felt immense pressure. She talked to me, then went to the coach to quit. To my surprise, the coach didn’t dismiss her but said, “I see great potential in you. It’s okay to play poorly—if not now, when?” When she told me this, I was overjoyed. The coach saw not just her current performance but her future potential.

这个插曲，我当时还特意发了一个朋友圈，提到这个例子完美展示了“老师如何唤起学生的内在动力，而孩子又如何在挫折中获得掌控感”，这些对教育来说都至关重要。

I even posted about it on social media, noting how this was a perfect example of a teacher awakening a student’s inner drive and a child gaining a sense of mastery through setbacks—both crucial in education.

（朋友圈开头的截图）

从那次谈话之后，她明显轻松了，不再抱怨，开始认真训练。她慢慢喜欢上这项运动，也交到了好朋友，几乎每天都在学校打球。到了八年级，她们代表学校参加区排球比赛，拿到第三名的好成绩。成绩不是最重要的，更重要的是，她战胜最初的困难，相信自己可以一点点变强。

After that conversation, she visibly relaxed, stopped complaining, and started training seriously. She grew to love the sport, made good friends, and played almost every day. By eighth grade, her team won third place in the district tournament. The result wasn’t the main thing—what mattered was that she had overcome her initial fears and learned she could grow stronger step by step.

再说乐团。

Now, the band.

加入乐团后，她成了主唱之一，有了越来越多上台的机会。她很快发现，自己很喜欢唱歌。乐团的老师看在眼里，说她“有天赋、有热情，也肯努力”。 后来，她主动要求在校外继续学习声乐，进步非常快。随着一次次表演带来的成就感，她爱屋及乌，重拾钢琴，周末在家自弹自唱，那些沉醉在音乐里的时刻，平静又美好。

She became one of the lead singers and got more chances to perform. She soon discovered she loved singing. The band teacher noticed and said she had “talent, passion, and a strong work ethic.” Later, she asked to take vocal lessons outside school and improved rapidly. The sense of achievement from each performance led her back to the piano—she’d play and sing at home on weekends, lost in music, peaceful and beautiful.

到了八年级，心心明显感觉到自己的变化。她跟我说，自己一开始最怕的公众演讲，现在没有那么怕了。这也从老师那里得到印证，一次语文老师发来一段视频，说她做了一个两分钟的即兴演讲，用自己的经历打动了同学，有情感、有思考。同学们给了她热烈的掌声。

By eighth grade, Xinxin noticed a clear change. She told me that public speaking, which she once dreaded, no longer scared her as much. Her Chinese teacher confirmed this, sending me a video of her giving a two-minute impromptu speech—moving her classmates with her own story, full of emotion and reflection. They gave her a warm round of applause.

这种被理解、被回应的体验，也让她对学习充满热情。

This sense of being understood and responded to also fueled her passion for learning.

有一次在车里，她跟我聊起梁启超的《敬业与乐业》，说很喜欢“第二要乐业”的一段，然后背给我听，给我解释我不懂的地方。又说她很认同“天下第一等苦人，莫过于无业游民；第二等苦人，便是厌恶自己本业的人”。她就像分享她身边的趣事一样，将那一段长文娓娓道来。

Once in the car, she talked about Liang Qichao’s essay on work and joy. She said she loved the part about “finding joy in your work,” recited it to me, and explained what I didn’t understand. She said she strongly agreed that “the most miserable people are the idle, and the second most miserable are those who hate their own work.” She spoke the long passage as easily as if she were sharing a funny story.

回头看，我越来越清楚一件事：心心的变化，不是因为被“要求”，而是因为被“看见”。在华外，不只是学科老师，还有生活老师，他们都在做一件很重要的事——看到孩子作为一个独特个体的存在。紧张时，接纳等待；胆怯时，鼓舞抱持；犹豫时，适当推动；而在做IP项目需要帮助时，加班陪伴……

Looking back, I now see clearly: Xinxin didn’t change because she was “demanded” to—she changed because she was “seen.” At Huawai, not just the subject teachers but also the dorm teachers do something vital—they see each child as a unique individual. When she was nervous, they accepted and waited; when timid, they encouraged and held space; when hesitant, they gently pushed; when she needed help with her IP project, they stayed late to support her.

这种稳定而温和关注，一点点积累，她在华外建立了自信，交到了朋友，个性也得到了很好的发展。同学喜欢她，老师也评价她有想法、有潜力，而且谦逊有礼。

This steady, gentle attention, built up over time, gave her confidence, friendships, and room to grow into her own personality. Her classmates like her, and her teachers describe her as thoughtful, promising, and humble.

三月的校园活动，她回校做志愿者。老师发来照片，我看着屏幕，忽然有点恍惚：这就是我曾经想象中“别人家的孩子”，但现在，她就在我们家。

On the March, she returned as a volunteer. The teacher sent me a photo. Looking at the screen, I felt a little dazed: this was the kind of child I used to admire from afar. But now, she’s in our family.

（三月的校园活动，阳光灿烂）

我由衷感谢华外。不到两年的时间，我收获了一个越来越好的孩子。回望这段路，我更加确定两年前的那个选择，是对的。在写这篇文章时，我征求她的意见，她说：“我还有很大进步的空间呀！”是的，但是我们已经迈出了非常重要的一步。

I am truly grateful to Huawai. In less than two years, I’ve gained a child who keeps getting better. Looking back, I’m more certain than ever that my choice two years ago was the right one. As I wrote this, I asked for her thoughts. She said, “I still have a lot of room to improve!” Yes, but we’ve already taken a very important step forward.