流萤集丨Christina 伦敦艺术大学录取：寻找属于自己的那条路

愈发拧紧的弦

驻足于路边的思考

笃定自己的方向

路途中不再慌张

重拾自信，渐渐成长

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From kindergarten through to lower secondary school, I was always educated within the public school system, receiving a traditional Chinese education. The academic pathway was crystal clear: as long as I fought my way through three major hurdles—the primary-to-secondary transition, the Senior High School Entrance Examination (Zhongkao), and the National Higher Education Entrance Examination (Gaokao)—I would glimpse the dawn of a successful life. Yet, this "hurdle-clearing journey" proved far more arduous than I had ever imagined.

Since childhood, I possessed a profound interest in and passion for stage performance. I could effortlessly stand on the highest podium in almost any municipal or provincial language arts competition. When the spotlights struck my face, that excited, proud heartbeat felt remarkably real and burning hot.

However, whenever I returned to the long-term, heavy burden of cyclical textbook studies, that fleeting sense of accomplishment vanished into thin air. I even began to feel that this passion was merely a distraction, wasting my precious study time.

By the second year of middle school, with the sudden spike in the number of subjects and the volume of homework, coupled with an intense, highly efficient competitive atmosphere all around me, the rhythm of my life and studies was finally disrupted. I would study from dusk until the early hours of the morning, only to wake up exceptionally early the next day to continue rushing through my assignments. 

Despite this, my academic performance still failed to catch up with those outstanding top-tier students. Was I not working hard enough? Or was I simply born inferior to others? I wound myself ever tighter, like a string being continuously coiled and tensioned...

Upon entering ISA, I initially chose the IBDP (International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme). The holistic education of the IB allowed me to experience expansive growth across multiple dimensions, including academics, critical thinking, and expression. I am deeply grateful for the foundation laid during this experience. However, as my studies deepened, I felt the call of a distinct preference with increasing clarity—I wanted to delve deeper and focus more intensely on a single direction, carving out a trajectory that truly belonged to myself.

Fortunately, ISA offers a diversified curriculum system.During the summer holiday of Grade 10, I came into contact with the A Level curriculum and discovered that it allowed me to balance other subjects whilst pouring more time and energy into art. The overall direction of learning leaned more towards creation and exploration. I suddenly realised that my affection for the stage had never vanished; it had simply transitioned into a different form of continuity... 

My ultimate choice was made: rather than blossoming in front of the curtain, I preferred to craft dreams behind the scenes with my own hands. Stage design became the most resolute direction in my heart.

From my very first stage sketch and my very first model, I came to realise that this path was not nearly as effortless as imagined. The proportions on the sketches were perpetually skewed, the model materials could never seem to construct the spatial environment I desired, my hands were covered in glue, and the boards were cut crookedly. I once stared blankly at a table of collapsed, semi-finished pieces during an art class, applying glue repeatedly as it dried, cutting the boards over and over again, yet failing to erect the shape I envisioned in my mind...

However, the A Level curriculum allowed me to take my time. I learned to abandon the mindset of "racing against time" when approaching creation, choosing instead to adjust my angles time after time. From cardboard that could not be cut straight to successfully constructing a space filled with light, shadow, and emotion, this process took an immense amount of time. There were no standard answers, nor was there anyone to tell me "this is correct"—I could only trust my own eyes, believe in the outline gradually sharpening on that sketch, and rely on that single moment when the lopsided model finally stood firm.

It was also during that period that I learned to "read" a stage for the first time. Whilst watching Hello, Chekhov, the fragmented mirror pieces attached to the backdrop looked entirely different in my eyes. It was no longer just a piece of scenery on the stage; it had become the externalisation of the characters' shattered inner worlds, as well as a visual metaphor for non-linear narrative.

That particular experience made me increasingly aware that stage design is never a cold, lifeless backdrop. It breathes, it feels, and it speaks—it was just that the younger version of myself had not yet learned to decipher its language. This discovery thrilled me, and it made me understand: I had found my own eyes.

Starting the AL curriculum only in Grade 11 meant that I had to bridge two entirely different educational systems and rapidly adjust my state of mind. There were new classmates, new teachers, and new academic concepts... Yet, this time, I experienced no anxiety, nor did I push myself to the absolute limit as I had done in lower secondary school. I learned to adjust my pace amidst pressure and to trust my direction in the face of uncertainty.

In 2025, at Tate Modern in London, I witnessed the video shadow play In Search of Vanished Blood. 

Caption: Photograph taken by Christina during her visit to the exhibition In Search of Vanished Blood.

The form of expression, which transcended mediums and concepts, profoundly shocked me—the stage is a world that is forever evolving, always welcoming fresh possibilities. Yet, as I walked out of the art gallery, I could not help but wonder: Where did the journeys of those standing at the very top of the world begin? And do I truly have what it takes to reach those heights? This self-doubt did not disappear; rather, I simply learned to coexist with it. I no longer demanded that it leave; instead, I allowed it to sit beside me while I continued drawing my sketches.

From the first unformed sketch and the first unstable model to a final portfolio capable of telling a complete story, what I accomplished over these three years was not merely a transition in academic direction, but a reclamation of my true self. That seed, which had been dormant for so many years, had finally sprouted within this soil...

The road ahead remains long. I cannot be certain of how many unknowns lie before me, nor can I predict what that tiny sprout will ultimately grow into. What I am certain of, however, is this: I will continue to draw, and I will continue to construct those spaces that can both "stand" and "speak". Because it has already begun to breathe, and I will accompany it as it slowly grows.

First and foremost, I must express my gratitude to my parents! At the most bewildered and darkest moments of my inner life, you simply said gently: "Then let’s try a different path." You never once hesitated because stage design is considered an "unconventional" field; instead, you silently brought me a glass of warm milk while I was sketching late at night, and gently covered me with a blanket when I fell asleep hunched over my desk.

My thanks go to Principal Nyn, Principal Jessica, Principal Jennifer, Principal Flora, and Principal JC. It is you who safeguard this diverse and inclusive soil of ISA, allowing this seed of mine, which had nearly dried up, to breathe once again. At the critical juncture of switching tracks and exploring directions, the trust and space you provided gave me the courage to walk a path less travelled.

I am grateful to Ms Ziyan, Mr Yves and Ms Yann from the Art Centre. From the first unformed sketch to a portfolio that tells a complete story; from cardboard that could not be cut straight to that lopsided model that finally stood firm—you accompanied me, refining it bit by bit. When I struggled to draw well, you did not say "you need to work harder," but instead said "it doesn’t matter, try it once more." Thank you to Ms Olga for guiding me to integrate gradually and discover my own path during the initial IB art courses. My thanks also go to Ms Bonnie and Ms Jess for providing materials and support.

Thank you to Mr Tom, Mr MT, and Ms Rose! It was through your immense patience and nurture that I was led through the gateway of visual arts. You taught me to no longer fear making mistakes, because every trial and error represents a new exploration. You not only encouraged my creativity and innovation but also demanded that I pursue excellence in my creations.

I am deeply grateful to Ms Selina from the University Counselling Centre. During the most anxious moments of the application season, you did not give me standard answers; instead, you gave me the confidence to believe in myself. That meticulous care in checking documents and confirming deadlines, along with your patience in replying even late into the night, are things I hold close to my heart.

Thank you to Ms Lynn, Ms Grace, Ms Rayna, Mr Freddy, Ms Angela, and Ms Xinyi from the Language Department. Moving from the domestic system to international curricula, language was once my greatest hurdle. Yet, you enabled me to dare to use another language to express, to debate, and to narrate my designs. A stage needs to be seen, but it also needs to be articulated; it was you who helped me find the confidence for cross-cultural expression.

I must also extend my gratitude to Mr Moment and Ms Cting from the Boarding Department. Thank you for your meticulous care and patient companionship in daily life. Whether it was the thoughtful greetings after evening self-study or the help and support extended when facing difficulties, you ensured I felt the warmth of home during these years at ISA.

My gratitude goes to our Grade Level Leader, Ms June; my Form Tutor, Ms Wendy; and my Mentor, Mr Larry. Thank you all for the unwavering care and support you have given me throughout my academic and personal growth. Your encouragement, guidance, and companionship have made me feel profoundly understood and valued.

Furthermore, to every single teacher during both the IB and AL stages who once granted me trust, inspiration, and patience—whether it was guidance offered during lessons or a discreet annotation left on a homework book, I remember it all. It is because of you that my three years were defined not only by a word as heavy as "growth", but also by a footnote as heartwarming as "companionship".

Thank you all for ensuring that I, who was always striving to "adapt" to external standards, finally dared to "define" my own.