上期咱们谈到，从“看见情绪”开启与孩子的沟通。

当然，光“看见”还不够，我们需要把“看见”表达出来，让孩子感受到我们的关注，也让孩子懂得，用什么方法能让他人明白自己的情绪。

这就是我们今天要聊的“识别情绪”，也就是知道自己的情绪是什么。

当情绪产生的时候，我们先命名它，看看自己处于什么情绪中，然后找到这个情绪产生的原因。

比如，

我很生气！因为孩子拖拖拉拉不完成作业！

我觉得委屈，自己为了这个家这么辛苦，孩子一点都不懂事，让自己操心。

我还感到担忧，孩子这么不努力不自控，以后怎么办呢？

还有一些自责，感觉没有把孩子教好。

很无助，不知道怎么对这孩子好。

……

一件事所带给我们的，往往不止一种情绪。我们可以先为它们命名，告诉自己，这是什么情绪；然后问问自己为什么有这个情绪。

对于平时不太注意情绪反应的人来说，一下子做到“命名情绪”和“找到原因”这两步不太容易，可能要尝试很多次才能做到。

刚开始时，可以在情绪反应平复之后，通过反思来进行练习。再慢慢把反思过程提前到在情绪爆发时觉察情绪，再到情绪爆发前觉察。

对待孩子时也是一样。

例如，当孩子因为“想延长看视频的时间”而发脾气时，我们可以告诉孩子：我知道你现在很生气（命名情绪）；你想要继续看视频，但我把视频关掉了（找到原因）。

这可以帮孩子识别情绪，让孩子知道，与情绪有关的一些生理、心理的变化（比如心跳加速，脸部发烧等）是正常的。还能帮孩子分析是什么事件引发了这样的情绪，为我们接下来的沟通与情绪管理打下基础。

下期将会谈谈，在“看见情绪”与“识别情绪”之后，如何对待情绪。

1. 提高共情能力的第一步是识别情绪。

2. 识别情绪分为“命名情绪”和“找到原因”。

3. 练习时注意循序渐进。

In the last div, we have talked about starting communication with children through accepting emotions.

Of course, only acceptance is not enough. We need to express the acceptance so that children can feel our attention and understand how to make others know their emotions.

This is what we are going to talk about today: "Identifying emotions"— knowing what your emotions are.

When emotions occur, we should name them first, see what emotion we are in and then find the reason for the occurrence of emotions.

For example—

I feel angry. The child is procrastinating and not finishing homework!

I feel aggrieved. I work so hard for family but the child is not sensible at all and let me worry about him or her so much.

I feel worried. What will happen in the future if the child does not study hard and has no self-control?

I feel self-condemned. I feel like that I haven’t taught my child well.

I feel helpless. I don’t know how to be good to my child.

We usually feel more than one emotion in one thing. We can name them first, tell ourselves what the emotion is and then ask ourselves why we feel the emotion.

For people who don’t usually pay attention to emotional reactions, it is not easy to do the two steps of “naming emotions” and “finding reasons” at once. Maybe it can be done after many attempts.

In the beginning, we can practice through reflections after our emotional reactions have calmed down. And then we can slowly advance the reflection process to be aware of the emotion during the outburst, and then to be aware of the emotion before the outburst. 

The same goes with children.

For example, when a child loses his or her temper because "he or she wants to watch a video longer", we can tell the child: I know you are angry now (name the emotion); you want to keep watching the video, but I have turned it off (find the reason).

This can help children identify emotions and let them know that some physical and psychological changes related to emotions (such as rapid heartbeat, facial fever, etc.) are normal. It can also help children analyze what events have triggered such emotions, and lay the foundation for subsequent communication and emotional management.

Next time we'll talk about how to deal with emotions after "accepting" and "identifying" them.

1. The first step to develop empathy is to identify emotions.

2. Identifying emotions is divided into "naming the emotion" and "finding the reason".

3. Remember to practice step by step.