ASJ幸福家的留言板上，发布了新的话题：“请用一个词来形容你的父亲。”不到24小时，话题页上就写满了孩子们的回答：

“可爱”

“帅”

“酷”

“我最好的朋友”

“无感”

“ATM提款机”

在不同人眼中，“父亲”这个词有不同的情感色彩。你认为，在你的家庭中，“父亲”意味着什么呢？

著名育儿专家李玫瑾教授认为，在一个家庭中，父亲对孩子教育的影响并不比母亲弱。母亲把孩子照顾得再好，也取代不了父亲的角色。

也有父亲表示：除了为家庭提供物质支持外，我也很想做好情感与教育上的“父亲”。可不知从何做起。

其实，父亲参与孩子的情感与教育，需要得到母亲的认可。

并不是说，父亲必须征得母亲的同意，才能接触孩子。而是，父亲与孩子的亲子互动需要得到母亲的欣赏。

心理咨询中有种观点是：家庭是一个系统。系统中的每个成员、每段关系、每种互动，都是相互联系的。如果母亲不能认可父亲与孩子的互动方式，就会为父亲与孩子的互动带来干扰。

的确，父亲会带给孩子不一样的生活情境。而这样的生活情境，有时会让母亲感到难以适应。

不过，这就是父亲角色的独特作用，它的意义就在于它有别于母亲的细致、温柔、周到，它带给孩子的是刺激、冲击、不羁，带给孩子的是直率的勇气与可变通的安全感。

母亲不仅要允许并邀请父亲参与到家庭教育中，还要在孩子心中建立一个强大、有爱的父亲形象。

如果父亲忙于工作，母亲可以鼓励父亲和孩子常常进行视频通话，哪怕是让孩子多了解父亲的工作环境。

如果父亲不善言辞，母亲可以告诉孩子：“爸爸心里特别爱你，可是不好意思当面告诉你。他会偷偷告诉我，你比他小时候优秀多啦！”

如果父母发生争执，事后可以一起坐在孩子面前相互道歉，让孩子感受到宽容温暖的家庭氛围，也意识到，认错并不是一件糟糕的事情。

父亲，是孩子的第一个偶像，对孩子的性格、品德、自我评价有着无可替代的影响。

感受到充足父爱的孩子，更可能自信、阳光、充满魅力；在父爱感受上有所欠缺的孩子，更有可能自卑、脆弱、人际关系出现问题。

让我们再回到文章开始时的问题：“请用一个词来形容你家庭中的父亲”，你想到的第一个词会是什么呢？

最后，祝各位父亲，父亲节快乐！

There is a new topic on the message board of ASJ's happy home ‘Please describe your father with a word’. The board is full of children’s answers within 24 hours:

‘Cute.’

‘Handsome.’

‘Cool.’

‘My best friend.’

‘No special feelings.’

‘ATM.’

......

Different people have different feelings towards the word ‘father’. What does ‘father’ mean to you in your family?

Professor Li Meijin, a famous parenting expert, thinks that fathers have no less influence than mothers. No matter how good a mother is, she cannot replace the role of a father.

Also, some fathers share their confusion that they want to be a good father in children’s education and emotional communication besides economic support but they don’t know how to achieve that.

In fact, fathers should educate and communicate with children with mothers’ acceptance.

That’s not to say, fathers should get permission from mothers to come into contact with children, but to interact with children in a way that can be appreciated by mothers.

Family is a system, which is believed in the field of psychological counselling. Every member, relation and interaction are related to each other. If mothers cannot accept the way of interaction between fathers and children, this would bother them too much. 

For example, some mothers would complain that ‘My husband cannot do anything well! He just eats takeaways, plays computer games and leaves the house a big mess!’

It’s not hard to figure out that fathers would have no interest and confidence to interact with children if evaluated in this way.

It’s a matter of fact that fathers would bring quite different life conditions to children which mothers may find it hard to get used to.

But, that’s the unique influence that fathers can exert on children. Different from mothers’ carefulness, gentleness and consideration, fathers are able to bring children stimulation, wildness, courage and a sense of security.

Mothers should not only accept and invite fathers to educate children together but also build a strong and loving image for fathers in children’s hearts.

If fathers are busy with work, mothers can encourage fathers to have a video chat with children to let children know more about fathers’ work conditions.

If fathers are inarticulate, mothers can tell children that ‘Your father loves you so much even though he doesn’t tell you this face-to-face. And he said to me secretly that you are much better than him when he was a child!’

If parents have conflict, they can apologize to children together later to make children feel warmth and harmony and realize that it’s not bad to make an apology.

Fathers are the first idol for children and play an irreplaceable role in children’s character, virtue and self-evaluation.

Those who get much love from fathers are more likely to be confident, active and charming; those who get little love from fathers are more likely to be self-contemptuous, vulnerable and have difficulty in interpersonal relationships.

Now let’s think about this question again: ‘Please describe your father with a word’, what’s the first word that comes into your mind?