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谈到亲子关系，相信每位家长都希望能和孩子形成积极的互动，也明白良好的亲子关系有利于培养出品行优良、自律好学的孩子。懂得如何与孩子积极互动的家长能消除大人与小孩间的代沟、树立清晰的边界、有技巧地批评和鼓励。然而，要能做到这样面面俱到、游刃有余对大多数家长来说实属不易。

为此，哈罗深圳全校成长导师Coco老师和全校心理教师Fakhreddine老师针对如何培养积极的亲子关系组织了一次家长沙龙分享，与哈罗深圳校内外的家长们共同探讨了“建立情感连接”、“适当奖励”、和“优质陪伴”对构建积极亲子关系的重要性。

右滑阅读中文

Every parent hopes to build up a positive relationship with their children. We understand that a positive parent-child relationship is beneficial to nurturing children with good behaviour and self-discipline. Parents who know how to interact positively with their children can fill the generation gaps, establish clear boundaries, and skilfully criticise and encourage when necessary. However, to achieve so is not easy.

To this end, Ms. Tian, School Counsellor and Ms. Fakhreddine, Educational Psychologist held a Parent Workshop focusing on “positive parenting”. They suggested that “building emotional bonds”, “proper rewarding”and “quality time” are the keys to building a positive parent-child relationship.

Coco Tian 女士

全校成长导师

Ms Coco Tian

School Counsellor

（一）建立情感连接

父母和孩子之间存在天然的情感纽带，感觉与父母关系亲近的孩子会更愿意接纳父母的意见，亲子间建立起紧密、互信、积极的连接是基础，家长们可以通过以下方式与孩子建立起稳定、正向的情感连接：

1.   站在孩子的角度理解问题，与其共情；

2.   对孩子的事情有好奇心，愿意用心倾听；

3.   平常心，不将焦虑传递给孩子；

4.   积极引导，用鼓励代替责备；

5.   积极传达爱与关心；

6.   和孩子一起解决问题；

7.   与孩子达成相互尊重的约定。

1. Build emotional bond

There is a natural emotional bond that exists between parents and their children. Children who feel close to their parents will also have a strong desire to listen to and follow their parents. Parents can try to build emotional bond with their children in the following ways for a stable, positive emotional connection:

1. Put yourself in their place and empathise with them;

2. Show curiosity about what they care about and be willing to listen attentively;

3. Stay calm and try not to pass on your anxiety to them;

4. Praise them for what has been done right instead of blaming them for what has been done wrong;

5. Actively show love and care;

6. Solve problems with them;

7. Show mutual respect.

（二）赋能孩子，及时反馈和奖励

父母都希望自己的孩子听话懂事，但总会遇到情况相反的时候。想确保孩子理解家长的意思，在家长说话的时候集中注意力、记进去教诲很重要。家长们可以尝试“一问（问孩子我们首先要做的事情是什么）；二说（通过重新说明指示来帮助孩子理解和消化）；三做（指导孩子按指示来做事）”。

举个例子，最令父母头疼的事情之一就是孩子发脾气。问问孩子，他/她情绪背后的原因是什么？将引导家长知道如何应对。

一般来说，孩子有负面情绪，可能是想引起父母的注意，达到他们的某些目的或者表达他们的某些诉求。

如果孩子情绪失控，父母可以通过给孩子拥抱、摸摸头、拍拍他们的肩膀，语气温和地安慰他们。在理解了触发孩子情绪的原因后，要及时与孩子沟通，辨别对错、适当和不适当的行为。“我知道你想要这个玩具，但你这样闹脾气的做法是不合适的。” 这样的反馈能赋能孩子，让他们学会情绪管理，有勇气对自己的行为负责，从而接受家长的教导。

接下来，为了确保孩子能理解家长的预期，当孩子遵守规则时，一定要及时表扬和奖励他们，这也会鼓舞他们更希望能理解父母、表现更好，以获得更多来自家人的肯定。

2. Empower your child(ren) 

and reward properly

Parents hope that their children could follow the instructions, but it is often challenging. To ensure that the children understand what their parents mean, parents could follow the framework of “Ask, say, do”- ask the children what is the first thing we should do now; help them understand by re-explaining the instructions; guide them through motions.

For instance, one of the biggest struggles for parents is when their children are experiencing tantrums. Understanding the reason behind the tantrum is important as it will guide a parent’s response.

In general, when children are experiencing an outburst, they may want to attract the attention of their parents, achieve some of their goals or express some of their needs.

If the child is finding difficulties controlling his or her emotions, a parent’s response needs to be comforting through a loving touch and soothing voice. Connect emotionally and once your child is more in control and receptive, bring in lessons and discipline - "I know you want this toy, but it's inappropriate for you to lose your temper like this." Such feedback can empower children, let them learn how to control their emotions, take responsibility for their behaviours, and be disciplined.

However, rules always need to be set, understood and remembered. Remember to praise and reward the child when they respect rules which will encourage them to do so in the future. Positive feedback is addictive and the child will seek parent’s praises.

（三）优质陪伴，事半功倍！

很多家长觉得自己要一直陪在孩子身边，但虽然人在，却极少真正将注意力放在孩子身上，而是看手机、与其他人聊天、或者在办公。优质的陪伴其实意味着家长可以花少量的时间与孩子在一起，但却是精心地与孩子共处，与他们玩游戏、做他们感兴趣的事情、为他们开心的事情表达出喜悦、一家人一起分享乐趣。

3. Quality time, quality parenting

Many parents feel that they have to be with their children all the time. Quality time means parents can spend a small amount of time with their children but be very attentive and engaging. Spending some time to play games with them, involve in things they are interested in, expressing joy for their achievement, and enjoy as a family. This helps the child to let go of constant attention seeking.