你现在迷茫吗？

Do you feel lost now?

我承认我是迷茫的。

I admit I do.

不可否认的是，迷茫是我们绕不过的一个命题。想起小时候刚进幼儿园，从家里一个人的房间到23个人的教室，空气都多了一分陌生，手足无措的我很迷茫。又记起在初三一模出分后，班级里十多个同学拿着满分的数学试卷跟彼此闲聊着，而我低着头快要把卷子看穿，也无法找回那两道大题扣的十几分，怅然若失的我很迷茫。后来我踏进宏润博源的校园，迷茫的感觉并没有消失，但高中四年的生活让我学会如何与迷茫相处：即使背着迷茫的包袱前行，也可以走很远。

Undeniably, being confused is a lifetime proposition that we cannot get around. I recalled when I just got into kindergarten as a young little girl, I moved from my room at home to a classroom with 23 people, whom I was unfamiliar with, and I felt at a loss and confused. I also remembered that after knowing the results of my 1st mock tests when I was a 9th grader in a public school, more than a dozen students in my class chatted with each other about their maths papers which received full marks, while I lowered my head gazing at my paper, feeling it’s hopeless trying to retrieve over a dozen marks I got deducted. At that time, I felt frustrated and confused. Later after I transferred to SHBS, I still felt confused, but the four years of high school life has taught me how to live with confusion: even if I keep going forward burdened by confusion, I can still go far.

我从小性格内敛，不好意思主动表达自己的想法和需求，导致我在学习上吃了很多亏，也给为人处世增添了一些不必要的麻烦。来到宏润博源的这几年里，我并没有变成非常外向的人，但在学校的老师、同学和环境的帮助下，我学会主动争取，并为自己的目标做出努力。或许我没有其他人那样天资聪颖，但就像桑德伯格在她的著作《向前一步》中提到，如果不克服内心的胆怯，“往桌前坐”，我永远都不会知道前方有怎样的机会，自己潜能的边界在哪里。

I have been an introverted girl since childhood, and I was reluctant to take the initiative to express my thoughts and needs, which caused me to suffer a lot in my studies and brought me some unnecessary troubles when dealing with people and things. Over the years after I joined SHBS, though I have not evolved into an extroverted girl, I learned to take the initiative to strive for my goals with the help of my teachers, schoolmates and the environment provided by the school. Perhaps I am not as gifted as others,but as Sandberg mentioned in her book "Lean In", if you fail to overcome your inner timidity and "sit at the table", you will never know what kind of opportunities lie ahead and where the boundaries of your potential are.

刚来到宏润博源时，除了初中当过组织画板报的宣传委员，领导力这个概念和我毫不搭边。当时蔡同学、梁同学和吴同学主动邀请我加入校模拟联合国社团的主席团，我才得以初步了解一个学生组织的内部运作，并开始尝试主持会议；后来我们又找到校内对中国传统文化感兴趣的同学，从衣食住行到具体的行程和学术议题，都由我们几个联合安排，组织了一场很有意义的敦煌游学。在游学旅行最后的总结会上，我得到了来自同伴的一句中肯的评价：“你或许不是一个团队中能力最强的人，但你有潜力去组织和管理比你更厉害的人。” 这句话一直浮在我的脑海里，是我之后成为一个领导者的动力之一。

Shortly after I joined SHBS, I had no idea what leadership was except that I had served as secretary of my class in charge of publicity. Not until Hanxiao Cai, Hina Liang and William Wu, 3 of my schoolmates, invited me to join the presidium of the Model United Nations Club of our school, did I have a preliminary understanding of the inner operation of a student organization and start trying to host meetings. Later, we found some students who were interested in traditional Chinese culture. We organized a meaningful study tour of Dunhuang by arranging everything from food, uniform, housing and transportation to specific schedules and academic topics. At the closing meeting of the study tour, my partners gave me a pertinent comment: "You may not be the most capable person in a team, but you have the potential to organize and manage people who are more capable than you." I always kept their comment in my mind and it was their comment that motivated me to become a leader later on.

在十一年级，我也积极创办了自己的文创社，然而一开始只有我的几个朋友，金同学、徐同学、魏同学和杨同学加入，刚好凑到创办社团人数的及格线。在朋友的鼓励下，我没有选择退缩或是放弃，而是试着向前一步，把第一学期当成社团的试运营，不断摸索着，脑子里想着对社团未来的展望.......最终在第二学期招新时招到了三倍的人数，成功制作了很多文创作品，带着独特的文创产品在公益义卖活动中崭露头角，在这过程中也少不了刘校和Bowen校长对我们文创产品的赞许与大力支持。

As an 11th grader, I enthusiastically started my own creative handicraft club. However, at first only a few of my friends, Nicole Jin, Tommy Xu, Alice Wei and Felicity Yang, joined it. They just made enough members required by the school for starting a club. Encouraged by my friends, I didn't choose to back out or give up, but tried to take a step forward and ran my club for a trial in the first semester while constantly figuring out and thinking about the future vision of the club ....... In the second semester, we managed to recruit three times as many members and produce a lot of creative works, and emerged with our unique creative products in the charity sales. Meanwhile, principal Bowen and Ms. Liu spoke favorably of our cultural and creative products and gave us lots of support.

李同学和她的社团在公益活动中的成果

在学习上，我也花了很长一段时间才适应。之前缺乏英文阅读的我来到了美国文学的课堂上，一段话里我要查十几个生词，更别说在课堂里讨论对文本的理解和人物的分析了。但这么多年的中文阅读告诉我，文字是有灵性的，我不想让语言成为我和文字交流的障碍。我就在课后去找到Chris校长，从我们阅读的第一篇文章开始问起，Chris校长甚至答应利用早饭前的时间，从六点到七点为我答疑解惑。于是衬着教学楼窗户可以清楚看到的日出，晦涩的生词、复杂的人物性格和深刻的文章内核都迎刃而解。在熟悉文本后，我开始在课上提出自己的观点，因为“一千个人眼中有一千个哈姆雷特”，我不再畏惧错误的答案，而是想在讨论中看到观点的碰撞，从而找到最适合诠释“哈姆雷特”的那一个。

It also took me a long time to adapt academically. As I hadn’t done much reading in English, in my American literature class, I had to look up a dozen new words in a paragraph, let alone discussing my understanding of the text and analyzing the characters in class. However, I learned from reading in Chinese for years that words are spiritual, and I didn't want language to be a barrier to my communication with words. I turned to Principal Chris after class for help and started asking questions from the first text we read, and Principal Chris even agreed to answer my questions from 6 to 7am before breakfast. So with the sunrise clearly visible from the windows of the school building, the obscure vocabulary, complex characters and deep core of the text were all solved. After becoming familiar with the text, I began to put forward my own opinions in class. Since "there are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes",  I was no longer afraid of giving wrong answers,but wanted to see the clash of opinions in the discussion, so that I could find the most suitable one to interpret "Hamlet".

集体住宿生活的开始同样是那么突然，但也让我学会更好地照料自己。之前在初中时，即使是发烧了也想撑着上完一整天的课，结果让情况更严重，得不偿失。高中的生活教会我劳逸结合，更重要的是，我知道学校老师们是我们坚强的后盾。换季重感冒的时候有宿管王老师送来的热粥；晚自习时头痛欲裂，班主任Irene了解情况后便主动带我去附近医院就诊。在这个原本陌生的环境里，我逐渐找到了一份归属感，也是这样温暖的大家庭，让我拾起了“向前一步”的勇气。

The life of a boarding school came all of a sudden, but it also taught me to take better care of myself. Previously, in my junior high school, I tried to hold on through a whole day of classes even when I ran a fever, which made my health suffer and was not worthwhile. High school life taught me to combine work and rest, and more importantly, I knew that the teachers at school gave me strong support. When I had a bad cold when seasons changed, Ms. Wang, my dorm parent would bring me warm porridge; Having known I had a bad headache during the evening study session, Ms. Irene, my homeroom teacher, took me to the nearby hospital. I gradually found a sense of belonging in this previously unfamiliar community, and it was this warm family that encouraged me to "step forward".

我一直没弄清自己热爱什么。上了高中后我在思考：现在在做的事情确实大多都是自己喜欢的，但我会做多久呢？这会是我一生的热爱吗？所以每当被问到未来想学的专业和职业规划，我都没法像小学时那样给出一个确切的答案。有人建议说可以选知名大学的冷门专业，这样是为申请季铺了一块垫脚石；爷爷也拿出他那老生常谈的理念：能够多赚钱的就是有前途的专业，所以我应该去学商，或者像计算机和数学这样的热门专业，以后总落不着没有饭碗。迷茫的我，也不知道该听哪边是好。

I never figured out what I loved. After high school I was thinking: It's true that most of the things I'm doing now are things I love, but how long will I keep doing them? Will they be what I love doing for life? So whenever I was asked about my future major and career plan, I couldn't give a definite answer like I did in primary school. Someone suggested that I should choose an unpopular major offered by a well-known university, which would serve as a stepping stone for the application season; my grandfather also came up with his clichéd idea that the major that can make more money is the one with a future, so he suggested I should study business, or a popular major like computer and maths, which would ensure a job for me in the future. Feeling confused, I didn’t know whose advice to take.

直到后来参加了学校每年都会举办的职业周，我们得以与各行业大咖面对面交流，我才有了新的领悟。有一位自媒体公司的老板，父母都没上过大学，自己学历也不高，但就是凭着自己点子多，用创新思维开拓了属于自己的道路；也有大学在国外就读酒店管理的一位女士，以为大学毕业就可以进入高级酒店工作，依靠能力一路晋升，但没想到每个员工都必须在基层勤勤恳恳做三到五年，才有发展前景；还有一位女士大学读的是英语文学专业，但期间在文学作品中得到人生启发，毕业后去了世界五百强的咨询公司做战略规划，后来又到知名的保险公司当首席执行官。我感慨，自以为的前方是一条路走到底，但人生实际上有太多岔路口，转折和机遇都蕴藏在其中。现在的选择跟未来的成功不一定有直接联系，但只要把每一段路当作一段经历，享受其中，便会有无限的收获。

Not until I participated in the career planning activity organized annually by our school, where we were able to meet face-to-face with masters from various industries, did I gain some new insights. A boss of a social media company, whose parents did not go to university, and whose education background wasn’t good either, started a business of his own with his own creative thinking and bright ideas; A woman who studied hotel management abroad at college had thought that she could be employed by a luxury hotel and be promoted depending on her ability, but she did not expect that every employee must work diligently at lower positions for three to five years before he or she could be promoted. A woman who studied English literature at college, and drew inspiration from literature works, was employed by one of the world's top 500 consulting companies to do strategic planning after graduation, and later was employed by a well-known insurance company as the CEO. I regretted that I thought I was ahead of a straight road to the future end, but life actually has too many forks in the road, where twists and turns and opportunities are hidden. Now the choice  of major and future success may not necessarily have a direct link, but as long as you take each div of the road as an experience, and enjoy it, there will be infinite gains.

后来妈妈在一次家庭沟通中也和我说，不管学什么专业，都学的是一种思维方式。在未来，课本上的理论并不能帮助我和战略伙伴沟通、撰写项目方案，但那一个个理论里蕴含的逻辑潜移默化地支撑了我们的所作所为，成为我们前行的根基。我之所以最终选择了心理学专业，既不是因为好申请，也不是为了好赚钱，只是因为我在学习心理学的过程中找到了乐趣，从而在生活和学习中也能从心理学的角度思考，我相信对这份乐趣的执著能让我在之后的项目研究、实习机会甚至未来的职业道路上有出色的表现，最终开辟出属于自己的道路。

Later on, my mom also told me that no matter what major I choose, I will learn a way of thinking. In the future, the theories in textbooks will not help me communicate with strategic partners or write project proposals, but the logic embedded in that one theory subconsciously supports what we do and becomes the foundation for us to move forward. The reason why I finally chose to major in psychology is neither because it is easy for me to apply to nor to make money, but just because I have found fun in studying psychology, so that I can think from a psychological perspective in my life and study, and I believe that my persistence in this fun will enable me to excel in subsequent project research, internship opportunities and even my future career path, and eventually open up my own path.

地球是圆的，怎样走都不会有边界，我们又何必把自己框在原地呢？

The earth is round, and no matter how we move, there is no boundary. Why don't we think out of the box?

申请季的焦虑情绪大概是每一个十二年级学生的必经之路。除了还差一口气的标化成绩、等待补充和美化的活动竞赛列表、短暂却全程紧张的面试之外，就是创作、修改和润色文书的漫长过程。我的主文书创作开始得比较晚，七八月份边上夏校边构思，到了九月份才真正动笔。原本担心没有东西可以写的我在头脑风暴的过程中，列出了高中四年所做过的事情、参加的活动，才发现自己确实干了不少事。再回忆这些事件和活动的细节：在这些过程中我学到了什么，谁说了什么话让我深有启发，都历历在目。而且我养成了把日常所思所想都记在备忘录上的习惯，不管是和出租车司机的随意对话，还是在学校圆桌派社团讨论时几个碰撞的观点，又或是我在学校湖边散步时随之沉淀下来的心情.......在回看这些记录的时候就能够迸发出更多灵感，在脑海里重映这一个个 “活过的瞬间” 。

The anxiety caused by the application season was probably a necessary part of every 12th grader’s life. In addition to the standardized test scores, the list of activities to be added and embellished, and the short but stressful interviews, I had to go through the long process of creating, revising, and polishing the essays. I started working on my main personal statement late. In July and August, I was thinking about it while attending summer school, and I didn't really start writing until September. I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to write about. However, while doing the brainstorming, I made a list of the things I had done and the activities I had participated in during my four years of high school, and realized that I had indeed done a lot of things. Then I recalled the details of these events and activities: what I learned from them, and whose words inspired me deeply were all vivid in my mind. I've gotten into the habit of writing down everything I thought about on a daily basis in memos, whether it was a casual conversation with a cab driver, a few colliding ideas during a discussion at the school's round-table club, or the mood that settled in with me during a walk by the school's lake ....... When I looked back at these notes, these "lived moments" were replayed in my mind and I could draw many inspirations from them.

在这期间，Chris校长、升学部的Shannon和Chuman老师、陪伴了我几年的班主任Irene，还有我的朋友们都和我就文书创作进行了讨论，最终确定了我的文书中心主题“在解决问题中我的成长”，内容也选定了我最有感悟的线上文创公益义卖活动。我可以给到的选材建议就是：去写最能反映你真实心声的内容。写文书不是写应试作文，而是去讲一个故事，去进行一场对话，或是还原一个精彩的瞬间，让一位没有参与你过去人生的招生官了解你。如此这样下来，每一位申请者其实都有独特的故事，不用去羡慕他人的故事有多出彩，说不定你看别人有多好，别人看你也一样。

During the application season, Principal Chris, Ms. Shannon and Chuman from the college advising department, Ms.Irene, my homeroom teacher, who has been with me for several years, and my friends all discussed with me about the writing of my personal statement, and they finally helped me decide on the thesis of my paperwork, "How I have grown up through problem solving", and the focus on how I organized the online pro bono bazaar where I sold our cultural and creative products. The best advice I can give on choosing material is to write what reflects your true feelings. It's not about writing an essay, but about telling a story, having a conversation, or replaying a moment that allows an admission officer who has not been involved in your life to get to know you. In this way, every applicant has a unique story, so you don't have to be envious of others' stories. Maybe you admire others, and they admire you as well.

就选校来说，我确定戴维森学院为我的ED1院校也是在暑假参加夏校的时候，ExLAC文理夏校的体验让我彻底爱上了文理学院的教育风格。其中，戴维森学院的工业心理学教授让我印象深刻，除了课上扎实的理论和实践教学，他还会分享四十年来教学与和各大产业公司合作的趣事儿，亦师亦友。我也在课上踊跃提出观点，课后与教授保持邮件沟通，及时解决问题，最终拿到了教授一份中肯的推荐信。后来在选校过程中打开戴维森学院的官网，看到一行醒目的字： “Truth is not a set of answers, it’s a way of being­ (真理不是一系列的答案，而是一种存在的方式)” ，这句话和我内心观念重合的那一刻，我便认为这里将是一个适合我的归属。

Regarding choosing from colleges, I decided on Davidson College at my ED stage when I attended summer school. The visit to ExLAC Arts and Sciences Summer School made me enthralled by the education style of liberal arts colleges. I was impressed by the industrial psychology professor at Davidson College. In addition to his solid theoretical knowledge and practical teaching experience in class, he also shared interesting stories about his 40 years of teaching and working with major industrial companies, so for me he was both a teacher and a friend. I also actively voiced my opinions in class, and kept in touch with the professor after class by email to solve problems in time, and finally got a sincere recommendation letter from him. Later on, when I visited the Davidson College website, I saw a striking line: "Truth is not a set of answers, it's a way of being". The moment this sentence coincided with my inner ideology, I thought this would be where I should belong.

除了夏校心理学教授的推荐信，校内的推荐信也体现了我各方面的能力。学校的老师在这方面给到了充分的支持。Chris校长作为我的升学顾问、文学和历史老师，无疑是校园里最了解我的老师之一。此外，我找了我的微观经济老师Chuman和戏剧课老师Jay来写任课老师的推荐信。在微观经济课的期末项目中，我阅读了很多文献，完成了一篇主题为 “疫情大背景下的餐饮行业前景” 的论文，所以我认为Chuman老师对我的批判性思维能力有深刻了解。Jay是我们公认最幽默风趣的老师，他写的期末评语发掘了我在课堂上的每一个闪光点，给予了我很多人生启发。在沟通过程中，我还和Jay打趣儿：都快要是大学生了，我还是很迷茫。Jay回答我，迷茫是正常的，不过要趁着年轻，多听听自己的心声。

In addition to the letter of recommendation from the psychology professor at my summer school, those written by my school teachers reflected all aspects of my abilities. Principal Chris, as my college counselor and literature and history teacher, was certainly one of the most knowledgeable teachers on campus. Besides, I also asked Ms. Chuman, my microeconomics teacher, and Jay, my drama teacher, for help. For my final project in Microeconomics, I read a lot of articles and completed a paper on "The Future of the Restaurant Industry with the covid-19 pandemic raging," so I think Ms. Chuman had a deep understanding of my critical thinking skills. Mr. Jay  is arguably the most humorous teacher in our school. He wrote me my final comments that uncovered every single sparkle of me in class and I drew much inspiration from his comments. Mr. Jay told me that it was natural to feel confused, but that I should listen to my heart while I was young.

正因为迷茫，我们才要带着梦想不问西东地前行，创造那些“活过的瞬间”。

It's just because we feel confused so that we should keep moving forward with our dreams in mind anyway, and create those moments when we really live brilliantly.